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Too Much Information

 

I have a double treat for you today – a great post from my all-time favorite senior citizen, Maxine, and one fantastically wonderfully delicious recipe using two kinds of pork – bacon and bratwurst.

Maxine is complaining about all the emails she gets with health information in them. She is on overload.

From the Desk of Maxine
Dear Friends:

1 maxine 7As we progress through what’s left of 2014, I want to thank each and every one of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. Because of them I am now totally screwed up and I have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

And, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

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Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

And last but not least, I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

1 maxine 6

 

Now you all have yourself a very good day……..because I am going to bed before I get sick or die!

Maxine

 

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Featured Recipe       
Bacon Wrapped Bratwurst Bites with Horseradish Mustard Dipping Sauce

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These bites are heavenly. Just heavenly.

They are perfect for tailgating. They are a perfect horderves. They are perfect for any party.

They are just plain perfect!

This is what you will need for 18 Bites:
For the Bites:

Beer *

6 pork bratwursts

8 slices Bacon

2/3 cup dark brown sugar

* Can substitute chicken broth or water.

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For the Dipping Sauce

½ cup sour cream

3 tablespoons prepared horseradish

4 teaspoons Dijon mustard

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Other

You will also need a large baking sheet, non-stick foil, and paper towels.

Here is what you do:

Heat the oven to 425 degrees. Place non-stick foil on a large baking sheet.

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Place the brats in a heavy skillet or pan in a single layer.

Pour in the beer until the liquid covers the bottom half of the brats with the liquid. I cannot give you exact amount, I used about two-thirds of the can I have.

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Turn the heat to medium high.

Heat to a simmer – just some bubbles coming to the surface, NOT a boil, or the casings will crack and you take a chance that the brats will get tough.

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Then turn the heat down to medium and cook about 10 – 12 minutes. Maybe 15 minutes. Even though the brats will not be cooked throughout, you do not want to see any pink on the outside of the brats. Do not over cook at this point.   The brats will cook further in the oven. If you cook them done here they will dry out in the oven and will no longer be tasty and juicy.

IMHO there is nothing worse than dry, tough brats. Juicy and tasty are a MUST with brats!!!

Turn the brats over once about half way through the cooking.

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Remove the brats and let the brats cool a minute or until you can touch them with your hands. Discard the beer.

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In the meantime cut the bacon strips in half and put the brown sugar in a bowl.

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Cut each Brat into 3 pieces.

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Time to set up an assembly line.

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Wrap one piece of bacon around the Brat Bite.

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Then roll it in the brown sugar. Gently pat the sugar into the bacon so the sugar does not fall off.

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Place the bites on the baking sheet with the loose two ends of bacon firmly on the pan so the bacon does not curl.

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Bake on the middle rack of the oven 20 minutes total.

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At the 10 minute mark turn each bite over on the other side so that both sides of the bacon get crisp. I also turn the baking sheet around when I put them back in the in the oven.

Out of the oven after 10 minutes.

Out of the oven after 10 minutes.

Turn each bite over so the other side of the bacon can get crisp too.

Turn each bite over so the other side of the bacon can get crisp too. Put back into the oven for 10 minutes more.

Make the dip while the bites are cooking. Put all of the dipping sauce ingredients in a bowl and mix together well. Refrigerate until ready to use.

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When the bites are done remove from the oven and place on paper towels very briefly to drain off some of the fat.

Done!

Done!

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Place the bites on a platter surrounding the dipping sauce.

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Try eating just one!

Betcha’ can’t do it.

Bon appétit!!!
Cost

For the Bites:

Beer                                   $1.52

6 pork bratwursts                $5.29

8 slices Bacon                     $2.57

2/3 cup brown sugar           $0.85

For the Dipping Sauce

½ cup sour cream              $0.80

3 Tbsp horseradish             $0.68

4 tspns Dijon mustard         $0.10

Total cost = $11.81
Cost per bite = $0.66

Quote of the Day

I have to take so many vitamin supplements now that I’m too full to eat any actual food.

Maxine

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