Quantas Gripe Sheet


I have been very serious in the last coupe of posts I have written. Some serious stuff out there these days.

So it is time to lighten up and have a few laughs.

I don’t know if you have seen this or not. It was sent to me years ago by a friend via email.

I do not know if it is true or not. I did check both snopes and truth or fiction and both sites had nothing on this piece.

True or not I am sure you will get a few laughs from it.

And heaven only knows we need a lot of laughter these days!

Quantas Airlines Gripe Sheet

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane. It takes a high school diploma to fix one.

1 quantas


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “Gripe Sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 Below are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots, marked with a P,  and the solutions recorded, marked with an S, by maintenance engineers.



Incidentally, Quantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had a fatal jet airliner accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

1 quantas 2

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Featured Recipe          Swiss Steak

Last week when I went to the grocery store I was accosted with sticker shock. EVERYTHING has gone up. WAY UP. Fresh vegetables were outrageously high!

The high pricesof the meat reminded me of Swiss Steak. This is a recipe that has fallen out of style for quite some time. Funny how that happens. With meat prices going sky high it may soon come back into fashion. Even so, the cost of this cut of meat was expensive enough!

Swiss steak simply takes an inexpensive but tough cut of meat and cooks,or braises it in liquid or juices for an hour or more to make it more delicate and tender. Instead of the beef round of my recipe you could substitute cube steaks or even boneless chuck.

Or if you can afford it, you can use a better cut of beef like sirloin and adjust the cooking time accordingly. 

Swiss steak strangely enough comes from Italy not Switzerland. The name comes from how the meat is tenderized; generally pounded or run through rollers. This process is called, ‘swissing.’

I do not pound the steak thus the use of a tenderizer. The long slow cooking should break down the meat enough to make it tender.

This is what you will need for 3 people:

¾ to 1 pound beef round steak

Accent or other tenderizer ~ Optional

1-2 cloves garlic

2 tablespoons flour

2-3 tablespoons lard

2 – 8 ounce cans stewed tomatoes

1 medium green pepper

1 medium onion

4 -6 ounces mushrooms

Dash of Worcestershire sauce.

Salt and pepper to taste


Here is what you do:

If using, sprinkle a little accent on both sides of the steak and let sit 10-15 minutes.

Mix the flour, and salt and pepper to taste; coat the meat with the flour mixture. Cut the meat into two or three pieces.


Heat the lard in a large skillet over medium high heat till hot. Quickly brown the meat on both sides over medium heat.


Now place the meat in a large pot.


Add the stewed tomatoes to the pot, cover and simmer about 20-30 minutes. While the meat is braising check once or twice to make sure there is enough liquid covering the meat. If not, add a little bit of water.


In the meantime peel and slice the onion. Cut the onion slices into half-rings. Wash and slice the green pepper. Peel the garlic, and clean and slice the mushrooms. How to prep mushrooms 

If serving the dish with mashed potatoes prep and put them up to boil at this time too.  How to make mashed potatoes 


After the 20 – 30 minutes of braising, add the green peppers, onions, mushrooms, press the garlic, and add in a dash of Worcestershire sauce to the pot. Gently mix and cover and simmer about 30-40 minutes or until the meat is tender and the vegetables are cooked through.



Serve with mashed potatoes and some green beans.


Bon appétit!!! 


¾ to 1 pound beef round steak        $5.27             

Accent or other tenderizer               $0.60

2 tablespoons flour                          $0.08                         

2-3 tablespoons lard                        $0.17

1-2 cloves garlic                              $0.10

2 – 8 oz cans stewed tomatoes         $1.75

1 medium green pepper                   $0.99

1 medium onion                               $0.60

4 -6 ounces mushrooms                   $1.99

Dash of Worcestershire sauce           $0.19

Salt and pepper to taste

Total cost = $11.74
Cost per person = $3.91

NOTE: The cost of the mashed potatoes will add about $2.37 more to the total cost of this recipe. The green beans will add about an additional cost of $0.64.

Quote of the Day

Life is just a bowl of cherries
Don’t take it serious,
Life’s too mysterious

Song lyrics by Buddy G. DeSylva and Lew Brown.


Print Friendly

3 comments to Quantas Gripe Sheet

  • Don’t know if you have an Aldi in your area. Their prices on fresh produce are really great. Here’s their site:

    • Roberta

      Yes, we do have several Aldis in Columbus. And fortunately there is one about a half mile from where I live.

      Thanks for telling MTUD readers about this wonderful store, Charles.

  • The Quantas gripe sheet comments are clever. It sounds like the mechanics have a better sense of humour and better grasp of English than that of the pilots.

    The Swiss steaks in your photos remind me of a beef cut that my mother used when our farm cash flow was reduced to a trickle. In our part of the world it was called Scotch fillet.

    Of course, being a male only slightly familiar with the workings of a kitchen and due to many years having passed since then,I could be wrong.

    Your finished result looks delicious.