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Christmas Office Party Memos

 

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2012
RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting atnoonin the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols …. please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 4, 2012
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party”. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 5, 2012
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ….. you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”;  you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 6, 2012
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. Low Carb food will be available for those on Adkins or South Beach Diets. For those of you with colon problems, we are NOT responsible if you eat the salads. We cannot control the salt used in the food, therefore, we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!

Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: December 7, 2012
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW !!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday,

The B**** from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8, 2012
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay. Happy Holidays ! John

Featured Recipe          Chicken with Mustard Sauce Over Spinach Linguine

This is a relatively quick and easy dish to make as well as simply delicious. It is as wonderful for company because it looks like you slaved all day.

This is what you will needed for 3 people:

5-6 thin skinless boneless chicken breast*

1-2 tablespoons flour

1-2 cloves garlic

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons butter

¼ cup white wine or chicken broth

¼ cup heavy cream

2 tablespoons grainy Dijon mustard

1 – 9 ounce package spinach linguine

Salt and pepper to taste

*If you cannot find thin chicken breasts you can flatten them with a rolling pin or back of a heavy skillet or alternately cut them in half lengthwise; or have the butcher do it for you. 

You can use regular sized breasts, but then  you will have to cook them longer than recipe below calls for. I have found using the bigger breasts means the garlic burns. That is why I sarted using thin cutlets.

I guess I could add the garlic after the chicken is cooked and before I add the wine. I have just never done it that way. Not sure why.

Here is what you do:

Place a pot of water up to boil and cook and drain the linguine according to package directions, and timed to be done cooking about the same  time the sauce is finishing.

Press the garlic. Set aside.

Salt and pepper the chicken breasts and dredge in the flour. Shake off any excess flour.

Melt the butter and the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat.

Add the garlic and stir into the oil-butter and sauté until fragrant.

Turn the heat up to medium high and add the chicken. Cook, turning once, until golden brown on both sides and cooked through. This will not take more than about 2-3 minutes on each side; unless you have thicker breasts.

Remove chicken and place on a plate and keep warm by tenting.

Reduce the heat to medium. Pour in the wine, or chicken broth, and stir to scrape up the brown bits from the chicken and garlic.  Let it cook until it begins to bubble up and reduce and thicken a wee a bit. This will take about a minute or two or even three.

Then add the mustard and mix into the wine.  

Add the cream and mix until smooth and the sauce starts to thicken.

NOTE: Add a bit more wine and or cream if the sauce is too thick.

Divide the cooked linguine between 3 plates……..

…….and place one or two chicken breasts on top of the linguine……..

……..and spoon some sauce over the chicken. Serve with a salad. 

Bon appétit!!! 

Cost

5 thin chicken breast                       $4.31

1-2 tablespoons flour                      $0.08

1-2 cloves garlic                             $0.12

2 tablespoons olive oil                     $0.26

2 tablespoons butter                       $0.08

¼ cup white wine                           $1.00

¼ cup heavy cream                        $0.50

2 tbspns grainyDijonmustard            $0.42

9 oz package spinach linguine          $1.71

Salt and pepper to taste

Total cost = $8.48
Cost per serving = $2.83

Quote of the Day

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.

Lily Tomlin

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